Laundry Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
You`re wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
You`ve worn your sheets to school because you can`t get them off of you.
Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.
Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
The DEA`s drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.
Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.
The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
Your red T-shirt is now green.
The boss pulls you aside to remind you that more...
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do." No laundry" the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing." Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." The boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh, more...
Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don`t Wash My Silks")
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. Garbage - Getting It To The more...
RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled' All Men Are Idiots' Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup, at 3: 00 a. m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say,' I just called to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But, I want you to know that there's always a chance for us.'
This is known as the' I Hate You I Love You' drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made it at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker: sex. And not in more...
SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females)
1. You, Too, Can Do Housework
2. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
3. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")
8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10. Techniques of Calling Home
11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonymous
13. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
14. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet")
15. How to Stay Awake After Sex-Afterglow, Hold Me, Talk to Me
16. Why it more...
I just wanted to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
This is how it goes...
I decide to do the laundry, start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. OK, I'm going to do the laundry...
BUT FIRST I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. OK, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack...
BUT FIRST I'll look through the pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Yes. Now where is the checkbook? Oops... there's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook...
BUT FIRST I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water, I put the glass in the sink and there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...
BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door more...
This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with asign "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he thinks. "How inthe world does that fit in here?" So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sittingin the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this placeget a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?" The old man answers "Is name of owner." The visitor asks "Well, who is the owner?" "I am he," answers the old man." You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" The old man replies, "Many years ago when I come to this country, Iwas standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of mewas big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" Hesay, " Hans Olaffsen." She look at me say, "What your name?" I say,"Sam Ting."