Laundry Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "No laundry" the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." The boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh, more...
Washing The Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!"
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not more...
why don't men do laundry? cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
Dear Santa,
I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned, and
cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor’s
office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy
bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
playground, and figured out how to attach nine patches onto
my daughter’s girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several
Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son’s
red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room
between cycles, and who knows when I’ll find any more free
time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache after a day of
chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already
have) and arms that don’t flap in the breeze, but are strong
enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle
in the grocery more...
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my
two children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my
doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant
a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to
attach nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with
staples and a glue gun.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases,
since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the
back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who
knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a pair of legs that don't
ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but
are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy
aisle in the grocery store. I'd also like a waist, since more...
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more...