Lay Jokes / Recent Jokes
The attractive young woman lay back on the psychiatrist's couch. "Oh, Doctor," she said, "$j§ can't believe it. I've just married for the thirds time, and I'm still a virgin/'
"Still a virgin!" gasped the doctor as he stared at the beautiful woman. "My word, how can this be?"
"Well," the woman sighed, "my first husband was a professor, and he only talked about it. My second husband was a physician, and he only looked at it."
"And your third husband?" asked the doctor. "What's his problem?"
"He's a gourmet."
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
Q: What kind of cats lay around the house? - A: Car-pets!
A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he’d buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, “Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except-” and he stopped.
“Except what? ” the man asked.
“Nothing, nothing. ”
“C’mon, tell me! I need something! ”
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis. more...
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was toldby his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8: 55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off." "Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
A Pakistani dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Pakistani hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Pakistani devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is more...