Learn Jokes / Recent Jokes

221. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do... 222. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on here. 223. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well! " and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms. 224. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand. 225. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" 226. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when more...

You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.

THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8: 05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too? 8: 12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8: 14 am User from 8: 05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11: 00 am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she more...

Scientists studying monkeys in South Africa found that the maleanimals were better able to learn a task when it was demonstrated by afemale. Well that explains why guys like watching porn with twowomen in it.

Seminars for Females (Prepared and presented by Males)
1. Elementary map reading
2. Crying and law enforcement
3. Advanced math seminar: Programming your VCR
4. You can go shopping for less than 4 hours
5. Gaining five pounds vs. the end of the world: A study in contrast.
6. PMS: It's your problem, not mine ("It's happened monthly since puberty-deal with it.")
7. Driving I. Getting past automatic transmissions
8. Driving II. The meaning of blinking orange lights
9. Driving III. Approximating a constant speed
10. Driving IV. Makeup and Driving; it's as simple as oil and water
11. Football: Not a game; a sacrament
12. Telephone Translations (Formerly titled, "Me too" equals "I love you")
13. How to earn your own money
14. Gift giving fundamentals (Formerly titled, "Fabric bad, electronics good")
15. Putting the seat down by yourself: Potential energy is on your side
16. Beyond more...

RULES MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW:
If you think you're ugly, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
Don't cut your hair. For any reason. Ever.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes we're NOT thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as wax worms vs. grubs, the shotgun formation and carburetors.
ANYTHING you wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
Ask us for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
No, we DON'T know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries and birthdays on a calendar.
Yes, whizzing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
"Yes" and "No" ARE more...

RULES MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW:If you think you're ugly, you probably are. Don't ask us.Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.Don't cut your hair. For any reason. Ever.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.Sometimes we're NOT thinking about you. Live with it.Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as wax worms vs. grubs, the shotgun formation and carburetors.ANYTHING you wear is fine. Really.You have enough clothes.You have too many shoes.Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.Ask us for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.No, we DON'T know what day it is. We never will.Mark anniversaries and birthdays on a calendar.Yes, whizzing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point-blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes."Yes" and "No" ARE perfectly acceptable answers.A headache that lasts for 17 days is a problem. more...