Awake Jokes

There was a Sardarji who was running a business at Delhi with branch offices at Ambala and Amritsar. One day he decided to visit his branch offices, and boarded a night train. He kept himself awake till 2 a. m., and when the train reached Ambala at 2. 20 a. m., he was fast asleep and woke up only when the train reached Amristar. He was unhappy, but decided to visit Ambala on his way back to Delhi. Again he boarded a night train, and kept himself awake till 3 a. m., but when the train reached Ambala at 3. 30 a. m., he was fast asleep, and woke up only when the train was steaming into Delhi. This happened three to four times. He was either landing up at Delhi or at Amritsar, always missing Ambala by sleeping off. So naturally he got worried.
He narrated his problem to a close friend who said, "You are a rich man, so why don't you travel by 1st class. The coach attendant will wake you up, a little before Ambala, and you can travel in comfort." The advice was logical, and more...

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Just Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)
8. Parenting Roles Beyond Initial Conception
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Asshole When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. How To Stay Awake After Sex
16. Why It Is more...

Taught by women, for men. 101
Combating Stupidity 102
You Too Can Do Housework 103
P.M.S. – Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut 104
How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray 105
We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas –
Give Us Money 106
Understanding the Female Response To You Coming In Drunk
At 4 AM 107
Wonderful Laundry Techniques
(Formerly "Don't Wash My Silks") 108
Parenting – No, It Doesn't End With Conception 109
Get a Life – Learn How To Cook 110
How Not To Act Like a Butthead When You Are Obviously Wrong 111
Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right 112
Understanding Your Financial Incompetence 113
You – The Weaker Sex 114
Reasons To Give Flowers 115
How To Stay Awake After 116
Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself
Anywhere But the Bathroom 117
Garbage – Getting It To the Curb 118A
You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try 118B
The Morning Dilemma - If It's more...

Seminars for Men COURSE 001 Combating Stupidity COURSE 002 You Too Can Do Housework COURSE 003 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut COURSE 004 How To Fill An Ice Tray COURSE 005 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas COURSE 006 Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly - Don't Wash My Silks) COURSE 007 Understanding The Female Response To Your Coming Home At 4 AM COURSE 008 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception COURSE 009 Get A Life: Learn To Cook COURSE 010 How Not To Act Like An Asshole When You Are Obviously Wrong COURSE 011 Understanding Your Incompetence COURSE 012 YOU: The Weaker Sex COURSE 013 Reasons To Give Flowers COURSE 014 How To Stay Awake After Sex COURSE 015 SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try COURSE 016 SEX 102: Morning Dilemma - If IT's Awake, Take A Shower COURSE 017 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down COURSE 018 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency COURSE 019 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children COURSE 020 You Too Can more...

A new two year degree is being offered at Life University... Becoming a Real Man! That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man. Please take a moment to look over the program outline: FIRST YEARAutumn ScheduleMEN 101... Combating StupidityMEN 102... You too can do houseworkMEN 103... PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shutMEN 104... We do not want sleazy underthings for ChristmasWinter ScheduleMEN 110... Wonderful Laundry TechniquesMEN 111... Understanding the female responses to getting in at 4 a. m. MEN 112... Parenting: It doesn't end with conceptionMEN 113... Get a life, learn to cookSpring ScheduleMEN 120... How NOT to act like an asshole when you're wrongMEN 121... Understanding your incompetenceMEN 122... You, the weaker sexMEN 123... Reasons to give flowersSECOND YEARAutumn ScheduleSEX 101... You CAN fall asleep without itSEX 102... Morning Dilemma: If it's awake, take a showerMEN 201... How to stay awake after sexMEN 202... How to put the toilet seat downWinter more...