Spring Jokes

Irish father O`Malley got up one fine spring morning and walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went something like this: "What a grand morinin it is. This is Sgt. Flaherty! How might I help ye?" "This is irish father O`Malley at St.Bridget`s. There`s a jackass lying dead on me front lawn. Would ye mind sending a couple o`yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sgt.Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit so the rest of the conversation proceeded: "Well, now irish father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then irish father O`Malley replied: "Aye, that`s certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

One evening during the Spring of 1957 Bobby, a hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. He goes to the front door and the girl's father answers, inviting him in.
"Carrie's not quite ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"Cool," Bobby replies.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what their plans are. Bobby politely says that they'll probably go to a movie or the soda shop.
"Why don't the two of you go out and screw?" Carrie's father says. "I hear all the kids are doing it."
Of course, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it.
"Oh yeah," says Carrie's dad, "our Carrie really likes to screw. If we'd let her, she'd screw all night long."
Hearing this makes Bobby's eyes light up and his plan for the evening is starting to look pretty good.
A few minutes later, Carrie enters the room in her poodle skirt and tells Bobby that she's ready to go. A little more...

What's Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O'Furniture!

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself,' Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!' and continued to watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said,' Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman - she is dead!' and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.

He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted,' Jean... Jean zere is zis man, zis woman... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love.' The police chief smiled and said;' Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is ok.'

'Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!'

Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his bike, more...

It's on nearly every calendar
It helps relieve Cabin Fever
Spring or not, it's still six weeks till St. Urho's Day
Forecast is no less reliable that the National Weather Service
At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way
Valentine's Day is too depressing for nerds
Unlike the Easter Bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside
As they used to say on the radio, "The Shadow Knows!"
It's fun to say "Punxsutawney"
If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him
In Canada, either way they come out ahead
I must've grown an extra finger since I learned to count!