Learning Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Silence, the final frontier: Where no woman has gone before.2. The undiscovered side of Banking: How to make deposits.3. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You don't need new shoes everyday.4. Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.5. Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.6. An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.7. Man Management: Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.8. Personal Space: Leaving at least enough space in the bathroom cupboard for your partners toothbrush.9. Valuation: Just because it's not important to you.10. Communication Skills I: Tears as the last resort and not the first.11. Communication Skills II: How to think before speaking.12. What he really wants: Is buying the right razor blades so difficult.13. Driving a car safely: A skill you can also acquire.14. Real women drink their share at a party.15. Telephones: How to hang up.16. Parking: Beginners Course.17. Parking more...

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said:
"Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T shirt messages and dress habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their self esteem. You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural more...

A little boy was sitting at the kitchen table doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus three, that son of a bitch is five. Three plus four, that son of a bitch is seven... "
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
"I'm doing my math homework, mom," he replied.
"And is this how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother went to see his teacher the next day. "What are you teaching my son in math?" she asked the teacher.
"Right now, we are learning addition," the teacher replied.
"And are you teaching the children to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" the mother inquired.
Hearing this, the teacher burst out laughing. Once she regained her composure, she said, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Her learning curve is fractal. Her lint trap is full. Her lists are unlinked. Her memory is truly random-access. Her mental function can be graphed with a single dot. Her mere presence causes parity errors, power fails, and head crashes. Her mind is not grounded to a logic supply. Her mind might have spontaneously combusted. Her mind would be unstable even mounted on a tripod. Her modem lights are on but there's no carrier. Her objects are not fully oriented. Her phone doesn't quite reach her desk. Her random access is the same as her sequential access. Her sewing machine's been out of thread for some time now. Her ski lift doesn't go to the top of the hill. Her stack has been corrupted. Her synapses are about that far apart. Her system file has zero bytes. Her tires are a little low. Her wipers don't touch the glass. Her word length is zero bits. Hid behind the door when they passed out brains. High relative humidity... He's lost in a fog. His. sig is long, boring, and stupid, but more...