Lecture Jokes / Recent Jokes
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout. "You, your companies and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you`re going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?" The Englishman spoke first. "Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all your men." "That can be arranged," said the terrorist. The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor MY country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men." The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor MY country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management." The terrorist turned finally to the American. "What is YOUR last more...
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A. M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.
Today is one of the first Father’s Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didn’t have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a father’s horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it’s the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family more...
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
"You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"
The Englishman spoke first.
"Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men."
"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."
The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."
The terrorist turned finally to the more...
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout."You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?"The Englishman spoke first."Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men.""That can be arranged," said the terrorist.The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men."The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management."The terrorist turned finally to the American."What is your last request?"The more...
1 You have ever said "Netter is god".
2 You can discuss autopsy/ anatomy over a meal
3 You own a 4 color pen
4 -it just isn`t enough colors for you
5 You use more than one color to take notes
6 You have use up more than 6 highlighters in the past 6 months
7 you have ever highlighted something YOU wrote
8 you retype handouts given in class
9 you haven`t had a date in 3 months
10 you haven`t had a date since entering med school
11 you have not been able to remember the normal term for
something because you were thinking of the medical term (ie
reflux for heartburn)
12 You get more sleep in lecture than at home
13 You know the correct spelling for pruritus
14 - you also know what it means
15 You have ever asked a question in class
16 - The prof. didn`t understand the question
17 - you didn`t believe the answer the prof. gave
18 - you went to look it up to see if they were more...
1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
3. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream, "MY PACEMAKER!"
4. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
5. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream, "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
6. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
7. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
8. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time more...