Legal Jokes / Recent Jokes
(actual trial)
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested and when the case came before the court this was the man's reply when asked why he acted in such a manner:
"When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisment which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisment which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."
He won the more...
It is legal to gather and consume road kill(Tennessee Dumb Laws)
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500."
"That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
What the report SAID (1), What the report MEANT (2)
(1) While on routine patrol. . .
(2) I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.
(1) The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner.
(2) He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN- DON'T FEED THE PIGS".
(1) The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control.
(2) It was raining.
(1) This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant.
(2) It was too hot to ride in the car.
(1) I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner. . .
(2) The dirt-bag let go with an "Oink" as I walked by.
(1) Knowing the suspect had a criminal history. . .
(2) He puked on my uniform one night. . .
(1) The informant is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the more...
Recent Generations Compared:
1940 generation 1965 generation 1990 generation
_______________ _______________ _______________
International Defeat of Hitler, Opposed Vietnam Changed channel
Achievement Communism War to MTV
Judicial Legal system should Legal system should Legal system should
idea support society change society destroy society
Technological Moon landing Personal computer Beeper, car alarm
highlight
Highbrow Classical Jazz Easy listening
Music
Lowbrow Big bands Rock Rap
Music
Civil rights Martin Luther King Malcolm X Damian Williams
leader
Hero Eisenhower John Kennedy Madonna
Economic Raise 60's generation Develop Support 60's
achievement Sophisticated generation
Tastes retirement
Fav' drug Cigarettes Marijuana Crack
Drug most Marijuana Crack Cigarettes
hated
Economic Work hard - get ahead Let your parents/ Prepare for employment
philosophy government support at more...
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police department that contained a picture of handcuffs.
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial---a grand motherly, elderly woman He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. He, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man more...