Leon Jokes / Recent Jokes
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."
Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.
"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15, 000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10, 000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon, and stated "Now then, I'm returning $5, 000, and we're going to decide this case strictly on its merits."
T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the trailor.
My sister woke up, while I was trying to nail 'er.
The socks was all hung, on my big mounted bass,
In hopes that St. Leon would be hauling ass.
The young'uns bunked down, all snug on the floor,
Each one had a dip, so they slept near the door.
Sis in her 105 shirt, and her John Deere cap,
Looked purty as a naked silouhette on a truck mud flap.
When out in the dog pen, there arose such a clatter,
I got up from sis, to see what was the matter.
When what to my swollen red eyes should I see,
A pink Coup De Ville, 1973.
He staggered so much, I thought, "What was he on"?
And could I buy some of that, from old St. Leon?
All my dogs started barkin, he started to shout,
Dog's hate St. Leon, you figure it out.
"Hey Whitey, Hey Crackerboy", he called me by name,
So I called off my dogs, and hauled up the game.
When he stepped on my porch, there more...
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. .. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."
If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my more...
Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. more...
The verbatim report of the last meeting of the European Commission has leaked to the press. Here is a small part of that historic meeting.
Van Miert (talking to Cresson): You will resign you bitch, Verdomme, or I'll make you swallow your new teeth one by one.
Cresson: I will not sink alone (famous last words).
Pinheiro: My brother in law has invited me to a golf game tomorrow, could we please hurry up?
Bangeman (Talking to Santer): get down from the window you idiot you will hurt yourself.
Marin: I'm clean, clean, clean, clean, so clean, clean, clean, clean.
Sir Leon Brittan:(Talking to himself): Tony loves me.
Sir Leon Brittan:(Talking to Neil Kinnock): Tony loves you too.
Papoutsis: What is going on here? Who is going to resign? Who the hell is Santer?
Schroeder (on the phone): Calm down Jacques. It is not that bad.
Imagine that I had to deal with Lafontaine all my life. And now that I got rid of him he wants to become President of the more...