Less Jokes / Recent Jokes
Harrisberger’s Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
Hartley’s First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you’ve got something.
Hawaiian Rules Of J. W.: 1) Never judge a day by the weather. 2) The best things in life aren’t things. 3) Tell the truth; there’s less to remember. 4) Speak softly and wear a loud aloha shirt. 5) Goals are deceptive; the unaimed arrow never misses. 6) He who dies with the most toys, still dies. 7) Age is relative; when you’re over the hill, you pick up speed. There are two ways to be rich: make more or desire less. 9) Beauty is internal; looks mean nothing. 10) No rain, no rainbows.
Heller’s Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.
Hinds’ Law Of Computer Programming: 1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. 3) If a program is useless, it will have to more...
'I'm proud to say that in thirty years of playing cricket, I've never scored less than twenty five runs and never taken less than three wickets,' said George.
'I wish I could say that,' said Ted.
Harry spoke up.' Well, why don't you? George just did!'
Facts about Americans. Did you know that. . .
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
67. 5% of men were tightie whities (briefs).
3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to
higher denominations.
13% of us admit to occassionally doing our offspring's homework.
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high
prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an more...
Why do women pass less gas than men?
Because women don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up
pressure!
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
It takes two things to be a consultant - grey hair and hemorrhoids. The grey hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less, until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of turning problems into gold, your problems into their gold.
Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.
A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just cant do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."