Library Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa walks into a library & says,
"Can I have a burger and coke?"
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"

Actual reference queries reported by American and Canadian library reference desk workers of various levels."Do you have books here?""Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?""Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?""I'm looking for Robert James Waller's book,' Waltzing through Grand Rapids.'" (Actual title wanted: "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.")"Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")"Where is the reference desk?" This was asked of a person sitting at a desk who had, hanging above her head, a sign saying "REFERENCE DESK"!"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?""Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hair dryer?""Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?""Do more...

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton
Adult Bookstore

At 3:00 am a librarian got a call from a person.
Person: Please come over and open the library quick!
Libraian: What? Why are you calling me at home and why do you want to get into the library so bad?
Person: Get in? No i want to get out!

A priest dies and goes to heaven. There, he is met by a reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading Version" to the original script.
All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the priest huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An "R"! They left out the' R'."
God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the priest sobs again, "It's the letter "R". .. the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"

David Beckham walks into a library and says, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries, please." The librarian replies, "Sir, this is a library."
Beckham looks embarrassed and whispers, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries."

David Beckham walks into a library and says, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries, please."
The librarian replies, "Sir, this is a library."
Beckham looks embarrassed and whispers, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries."