Library Jokes / Recent Jokes
101. It's amazing how late you can stay up doing absolutely nothing, yet falling asleep in class or in the library takes an average of two seconds.
102. You spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering the mystery of whether the cafeteria Lucky Charms are the real thing.
103. People magazine is your deep philosophical reading material.
104. You begin to subdivide your room into sections such as den, library, etc. to make it sound like a house.
105. All you have to do to make new friends is have mom send up some cookies.
106. You never realized how quiet your house was.
107. Dishes aren't dirty enough to wash until they have bugs and/or mold in them.
108. Printers only break down when you desperately need them.
109. You get along so much better with your family now that you never see any of them.
110. Your life will never be the same again.
Paris Hilton walked into a library because she wanted to experience something new. She walks up to the counter and says "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I’m sorry, this is a library." So Paris whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."
The librarian replies, "This is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."
Pope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script. All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An' R'! They left out the' R'." God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter' R'. .. the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE!"
A quiet little man was brought before a judge. The judge looked down at the man and then at the charges and then down at the little man in amazement. "Can you tell me in your own words what happened?" asked the judge.
"I'm a mathematician dealing in the nature of proof." said the man.
"Yes go on." said the astounded judge.
"Well. I was at the library and I found the books I wanted and went to take them out. They told me my library card had expired and I had to get a new one. So I went to the registration office and got in another line. And filled out my forms for another card. And got back in line for my card."
"Yes go on." said the judge.
"And he asked' Can you prove you`re from New York City?' So I stabbed him."
A blonde walks into a library and shouts “I’ll have a burger and fries” The lady at the desk says “Sorry madam, this is a library! ” The blonde replies “I know, I’ll have a burger and fries please”
The lady at the counter says “No, i dont think you understand, this is a library! ”
The blonde says “Oh, sorry” and whispers, “I’ll have a burger and fries”!
It was Rocky's first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were in their cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable with his meager surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the front of his cell, Rocky heard a voice call out "44" and the whole cell block erupted into laughter! Another voice called "16" and again there was laughter. A third voice called "62" which was followed by laughter throughout the block. Rocky didn't know what was going on so he rapped on his cell wall. "Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from next door. "What's going on, here?" asked Rocky. "Well," said the other inmate, "down in the prison library there's only one joke book. We've all read the book so many times that we don't waste time telling the joke, we just call out it's number." So the next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found r the yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from more...