License Jokes / Recent Jokes

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you! ”

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3
ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending."
He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said,
"Looks like you've had a pretty good day.
Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and
handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of
the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum,
pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Was
hington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?"
The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the
warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took a
second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum,
pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an
Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?"
The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting
license.
The warden took a third duck, conducted the more...

Idiot #1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
Idiot #2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed more...

The following is another goodie related to me by my mom years ago. It's another one of those that's just a little too good to be true. Though the veracity may be questionable, it's a great story.
Preface: Policemen, firefighters, etc. used to have annual dinner-dance type affairs (they were referred to as "The Policeman's Ball", etc) to raise money for the local constabulatory. The individual officers were responsible for selling tickets to the event to those on their beat.
And now, the story:
A woman was driving down the road one day only to find herself behind a horse trailer being pulled by a pick-up truck. As they were driving along, the back door of the horse trailer came loose and swung open, exposing the rear end of the horse inside.
Eventually, gastric and bowel processes completed, the horse's tail lifted and - voila - the woman's windshield was covered in horse stuff.
Now the woman's first instinct was, of course, to turn on the windshield more...

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"
"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to more...

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden. After about a half mile the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!!" the Warden gasped. With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young feller, "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one. .."

There was a blonde driving down the center of the road at 100 mph. A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she had stopped, the officer asked, "License and Registration please."

"It's okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do this," she said smiling.

"That's impossible!" The officer replied, "I've never heard of such a license."

To which the driver reached into her purse and handed him her license. Astonished, the Officer said, "Just as I suspected. This is an ordinary license, I see nothing here that would allow you special consideration."

She pointed to the bottom of the license and said, "Can you see this?? It says so right here:' Tear Along The Dotted Line'."