Warden Jokes

There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die...
1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death
The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
The Italian said "Just hang me." With a snap of the rope he was dead.
Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
The Newfie said "Give me another one of those shots." The guards injected him again and now the Newfie was laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheeks and he was doubled over laughing.
Finally the warden said "What is wrong with you?"
The Newfie replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom."

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden new that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time.

Some three years later, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And, he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Andy was a model inmate.

One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top. So, he called Andy into his office and asked him to do the job for him. To the warden's surprise, Andy simply refused to help.

"But, you're an expert. Andy, I really need your help," said the warden.

"Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter more...

A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Sardars. The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?"
The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"
The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, more...

The local priest returns to his car to find a traffic warden in the process of giving him a parking ticket.
Priest: "Hello there, you couldn't see you're way clear to forgetting about that could you, my son."
TW: "Sorry, farther, once I've started filling the form in I've got to finish"
Priest: "That's OK. It's my fault. I parked in the wrong place."
TW: "That's very good of you, we usually get all kinds of abuse in these circumstances."
Priest: "Wouldn't here of such a thing, after all it was my fault. We're having a tea party this weekend would you like to come?"
TW: "Well, that is good of you, farther. Yes, I'll be there. It's so refreshing to talk to someone who understands the position I'm in."
Priest: "Maybe you would like to bring you're mother and farther along, as well, and I could marry them!"

A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in South Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
"Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Deez here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?"
Ya. Avery night I take deez here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim' round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works."
"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"
The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" said the Cajun
"When are you going to call more...