Magnets Jokes

For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses. ”
“We don’t have any. ” replied the first blonde.
“Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses. ” said the Game Warden.
“But officer, ” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river. ”
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it, ” said the Game Warden, “take all the debris you want. ” And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop, ” the second blonde said to the other two, more...

Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses. ”
“We don’t have any. ” replied the first blonde. “Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses. ” “But officer, ” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river. ” The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
“Well, I know of no law against it, ” said the warden, “take all the debris you want. ” And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
“What a dumb cop, ” the second blonde said to the other two, “doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?! ”

For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in more...

Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first fisherman.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second fisherman, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want."
And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three fishermen started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb Fish more...