Lift Jokes / Recent Jokes

It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain t he same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there ain't nothing worse then an oversensitive woman.
My name is Doug... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Ernestine.
When I was laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in April, it became necessary for Ernestine to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the more...

This was actually printed in a Home Economics book in the 50's intended to prepare girls for marriage. How times have changed!
Have dinner ready
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting
him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are
hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a
ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a
little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives,
gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband
will feel he more...

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and deliver a basket of goodies to Grandmother when her mother stopped her, saying "Little Red, you had better be careful in the woods because the Big Bad Wolf is out today. If he catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off."
"Oh I'll be all right," Little Red answered as she pulled out a rather large shotgun from the basket she was carrying. Assured that her daughter would be safe, she allowed Little Red to leave the house and begin the journey to Grandmother's house.
Along the trail in the woods, Little Red came across her friends, the three little pigs (don't ask what they are doing in the woods, after all it is just a joke)
"Little Red, Little Red," they called to her, "you had better be careful because the Big Bad Wolf is in the woods today. He said that if he catches you, he is going to lift up your more...