Limerick Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork.
"About two hours," says the conductor.
"Okay," says the drunkard, "then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?"
The irate conductor says to the drunk "It's still about two hours, laddie. Why'd ya think there'd be a difference?"
"Well," says the drunk, "it's only a week between Christmas and New Year's, but it's a helluva long time between New Year's and Christmas!

This is from a contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the words
Lewinski and Kaczynski in a limerick. Here are the 3 winners.
Entry # 1
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
on this flute made of beef
that stole the front page from Kaczynski.
Entry # 2
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
Entry # 3
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
what Kaczynski must surely have known:
that an intern is better
than a bomb in a letter
given the choice of how to be blown.

This poem was written by Jon Saxton (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
Or for those who have trouble with the poem:
A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
'Tis a favorite project of mine
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.
("The Lure of the Limerick" by W.S. Baring-Gould, p.5. Attributed to Harvey L. Carter).
If inside a circle a line
Hits the center and goes spine to spine
And the line's length is "d"
the circumference will be
d times 3.14159
If (1+x) (real close to 1)
Is raised to the power of 1
Over x, you will find
Here's the value defined:
2.718281...
Here's a limerick - looks better on paper.
/3
/
| 2 3 x 3.14 3_
| more...

This poem was written by Jon Saxton (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
Or for those who have trouble with the poem:
A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
'Tis a favorite project of mine
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.
("The Lure of the Limerick" by W.S. Baring-Gould, p.5. Attributed to Harvey L. Carter).
If inside a circle a line
Hits the center and goes spine to spine
And the line's length is "d"
the circumference will be
d times 3.14159
If (1+x) (real close to 1)
Is raised to the power of 1
Over x, you will find
Here's the value defined:
2.718281...
Here's a limerick - looks better on paper.
/3
/
| 2 3 x 3.14 3_
| z dz more...

A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork. “About two hours, ” says the conductor. “Okay, ” says the drunkard, “then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick? ” The irate conductor says to the drunk “It’s still about two hours, laddie. Why’d ya think there’d be a difference? ” “Well, ” says the drunk, “it’s only a week between Christmas and New Year’s, but it’s a helluva long time between New Year’s and Christmas! ”