Limited Jokes / Recent Jokes
I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be:
Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation!
Why settle for intuitive keyboard commands when you can have confusing F-key combinations? But don't take our word for it--here are some satisfied customers:
"I couldn't stand all the easy drag-and-click commands on my MacIntosh. Now I can do everything with wordy commands that only work on one file or directory at a time!"
-- Goober McLeod, IBM user for 15 years
"I hated the' automatic startup' files. Now, I can go back to my autoexec. bat file and pray I've got everything set up right! Plus, MS-Windows even disabled the Find File command, so I can search all my directories by hand to find those utilities I lost!"
-- Joey Boring, still using a more...
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse. A
variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter.
The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located
in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e.
dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to,
candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said
dreams. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as "I"), being the more...
Dear Tech Support, Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please! Sincerely,
XXX Dear XXX, This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary more...
Legalese Night Before Christmas*
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS in Legalese (Author unknown)
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e. g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part more...
At a meeting in Vienna, Austria on Friday, the United States, Britain, France, Austria and Russia agreed to provide Iran with limited nuclear technology if it ceases its program of uranium enrichment. As another incentive to Iran, the world powers have also agreed to kill a limited number of Jews.