Limits Jokes / Recent Jokes

GENERAL
Any person with a valid state hunting and fishing license may harvest attorneys. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted The use of currency as bait is prohibited. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from all-terrain vehicles, helicopters, or aircraft. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of a BMW dealership.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, one hundred (100) dollar bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney more...

It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.

It is illegal for a woman wearing a red dress to be out on the streets after 7 PM.Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers. Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays. Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building. Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.Denver: It is unlawful to lend your more...

You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire Chicago: It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Chicago: Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Chicago: Spitting is forbidden In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in pajamas. In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.

In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for more...

Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public. One-armed piano players must perform for free. Dubuque: Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building. Fort Madison: The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire. Indianola: The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned. Marshalltown: Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants Ottumwa: "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."

Thistles may not grow in one's yard. A woman may not go through her husband's pockets while he is sleeping.Annapolis: It's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. Baltimore: You cannot swear while inside the city limits. Baltimore: It is illegal to mistreat oysters. Baltimore: It is illegal to wash or scrub sinks no matter how dirty they get.Baltimore: It's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. Baltimore: It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Baltimore: It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898) -Park Rule 6 Baltimore: It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday. Baltimore City: Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited. Baltimore City: You may not curse inside the city limits. Columbia: You can not have more...

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants. Bathhouses are against the law. In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs. No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. Women may not drive in a house coat. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit. Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash." You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds. Ice more...

The one thing you need to know when drinking beer is to learn your limits.

I'm just a slow learner...