Little Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
' 'Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''
The doctor reassured her,' 'A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''
' 'On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.
A foursome was playing golf on a rather sunny day in spring. Fred was having some trouble with his swing but wasn't losing by too much. The group approached the 15th tee which was quite near a road and he watched as his partners teed off before him. Just before he was about to tee off a car came down the road and got a flat tire right near them. The woman in the car was quite striking so the other three men decided that they would help her out. Fred, on the other hand, wanted to tee off his shot first. His shot was beautiful. He was quite upset that his friends hadn't seen it. However, he quickly changed his mind as he saw the ball bounce twice on the green and roll into the cup. Just then a flash appeared at his feet and he looked down to see a small man. "I am the hole-in-one fairy and I will grant you a wish for your effort." Fred looked around to make sure no one saw him. If he was hallucinating he didn't want anyone to see him talking to no one. "Are you serious more...
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"Little Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.The principal replies, "I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth."Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story...After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the wall!"
American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of his time. The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fis hing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several more...
College by Dave Barry Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: * Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. * Things you will not need to know in later life (1, 998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to more...
A man was watching a fisherman at work. The fisherman caught a giant trout but threw it back into the river. Next the fisherman hooked a huge pike and threw it back. Finally, the fisherman caught a little bass. He smiled and put the little bass in his bag.
"Hey," yelled a guy who was watching. "Why did you throw back a giant trout and a huge pike and then keep a little bass?"
The fisherman yelled back, "Small frying pan."
For a gift this year a guy's wife purchased him a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when he was on the varsity chess team in high school, he decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. He called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. His wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic he was to get started. Here is his story of how the week went.
DAY 1.
They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her added about ten more...