Little Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three little old ladies were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch of their house. A man came by wearing a trench coat. He opened up the trench coat and flashed the three little old ladies.
The first little old lady had a stroke.
The second little old lady had a stroke.
The third little old lady couldn't reach him.

This just breaks my heart... please pass it on so
more can help this unfortunate child...

> Dear Friend:
> I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing
> this for me, because I can't. She is crying.
> Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says
> it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault,
> but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder,
> so I don't ask her that anymore.
> The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was
> born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go
> to sleep.
> The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a
> burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that
> was the best they could do on account of us having no
> money or insurance. I would like to have a body
> transplant, but we need more money.
> Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't
> hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and more...

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?" The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500, 000." The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500, 000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!" The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said' Hell yes I would!'" The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500, 000." The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500, 000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!" He returns to his father: "Dad, she said' Hell yes I would!'" The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but more...

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother? One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma. Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? The Salad Bar. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store. Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!! Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two are crustaceans. Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof. Why can't a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too. Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't? Because he was a little more on. Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the opossum it could be done.

The Three Bears returned one sunny sunday morning from a stroll in the woods to find the door of their little house open. Cautiously, they went inside. After a while, big Daddy Bear`s deep voice boomed out, "Someone`s been eating MY porridge!" Mummy Bear gave a yelp, "Someone`s been eating MY porridge!", she said. Little Baby Bear rushed in, "Forget the porridge - someone`s nicked the DVD player!"

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him."So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home."Great," Little Johnny replied."Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother."Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week.""Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?""He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."