Little Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark.”The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don't have to be afraid of the
dark,” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you.”The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure he's out there?”“Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,” she said.The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, “Jesus? If you're out
there, would you please hand me the broom?”
Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.
But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.
Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets: Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.
The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called' secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had more...
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
One bright, beautiful Sabbath morning everyone in the tiny Midwestern town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started the towns people were sitting in their pews when suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew. He was not moving and seemed oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now, this confused and irritated the Devil a little bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" "Yep, sure do," replied the elderly gentleman. Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't, " the gentleman replied. Satan, a little more perturbed at this, asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been more...
Like other Chia products,a little water and seed and after 3 days it starts growing. The company had also product tested a Chia-Joe Biden, but had to nix the idea when after six months of a little water and seed, it did nothing.
Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...
Little Jimmy's mother was serving prunes for dessert, but little Jimmy didn't like prunes one little bit! He grumbled and complained and absolutely refused to eat them. Mother was very cross and told Jimmy that God would be very angry if he didn't eat his prunes. Still he wouldn't eat them, so in desperation, mother sent him to his room. Later in the evening a fierce thunderstorm blew up. There was much thunder and lightning. Feeling somewhat sorry for little Jimmy and thinking that he might be afraid of the storm, mother went up to his room. When she opened the door, Jimmy was kneeling looking out the window. Mother heard him say, "Gee whiz, God, all this just for two measly prunes?"