Little Johnny Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Little Johnny sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!! " Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Little Johnny's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Little Johnny's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?" Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.

JOHNNY WAS DOWNSTAIRS PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS,ROLLING THEM ALONG ON THE FLOOR. ALL OF A SUDDEN HE STOPS THE TRAIN AND SAYS: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OF."
THEN HIS MOTHER WALKS IN AND YELLED," JOHNNY, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SAY THOSE WORDS."
JOHNNY JUST KEPT ON PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS AND STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON. WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF, GET THE HELL OFF."
HIS MOTHER OPENED THE DOOR AND YELLED: "JOHNNY, THE NEXT TIME YOU SAY THAT WORD YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR AN HOUR TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID WRONG."
JOHNNY DIDN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY, SO HE JUST KEPT PLAYING WITH HIS TRAINS.HE STOPPED THEM AND SAID: "WHO EVER WANTS TO GET ON, GET THE HELL ON.WHO EVER WANTS TO GET OFF,GET THE HELL OF."
JUST THEM JOHNNYS MOM STORMED INTO THE ROOM AND SCREAMED: " JOHNNY, GO TO YOUR ROOM more...

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher.
The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said,' Oh God, I'm more...

Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their holidays. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the Summer. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said."That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that?"Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of it, we went to Iowa."

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"Little Johnny replies, "A teacher."

Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said more...