Locked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the cells
The convicts were locked up
All madder than hell
Except for the lifers
Kicked back in their bunks
Heads filled with visions
Of fat little punks
When suddenly from the roof top
There arose such a roar
That the bulls thought it was
A riot for sure
The goon squad ran in
And stood ready to hit
A big guard yelled out
Who started this shit
It came from the roof top
Sniveled a snitch
It must be a breakout
Oh, son of a bitch
They climbed to the roof
By way of the stairs
Found a fat little freak
In red underwear
No, No yelled the dude
I bring you good cheer
Damn said the Captain
We found us a queer
Alright mother fucker
Get your hands on the wall
They shook him down good
Asshole and all
They beat him and threw him
Into the hole with a kick
Well so much for more...

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You're an FBI more...

Yo Mama is so dumb she got locked in a toilet and pissed herself!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car?
A: Took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.

They have got to be joking! Only in America....................!!!

In 1994, a New Mexico jury awarded $ 2. 9 million U. S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U. S. The ones listed below are clear candidates.
All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and yet with the right attorney you could win anything! (see OJ trial)
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded
780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old, Carl Truman of Los Angeles won 74, 000 and medical more...

One day Bill Gates left work, started driving off, and
remembered he'd left his suit-jacket in the office. He stopped
the car, locked the door, and ran back to the office to get the
jacket.
When Bill returned to his car, he realized that he'd locked the
keys inside the car, with the lights were on and the engine was
still running. He ran back to the office frantic for help.
He found a security guard - and DEMANDED immediate assistance.
After less than 5 seconds, the guard popped the door open, which
impressed and amazed the programmer to no end.
Bill asked, "Sir, I demand that I keep THAT paperclip NOW!" The
guard replies kind of perplexed, "Sure, it's just a paper clip."
With a great big satisfied smile, Bill replied, "Great, I'll
keep it in the glove compartment in case I ever do THAT again!"

Yo Mama is so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slepped on the floor!