Locked Jokes / Recent Jokes

your momma so stupid she got locked in a groceiry store and starved.

You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days--much less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds

SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes

SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming.
Time: 2 minutes

SECRET more...

Yo Mama is so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Isadore!
Isadore who?
Isadore locked or open? Knock Knock
Who's there!
Isadore!
Isadore who?
Isadore locked, I can't get in!

one day a man went bear hunting. he saw a bear and had his gun locked on it. he shot, and looked up but nothing was there. he went over to where it was and felt a tap on his shoulder. the man turns to see the bear. the bear then says, "
you know the rules of the forrest?"
the man says no. the bear says, "
well now i have to rape you."
after all this the man was furious. he went to the gun store and bought an elefant gun. the next day he sees the same bear and has it locked on its head. sure not to miss, he shoots. again nothin and another tap on his shoulder. "
you know the rules."
so the next day the man comes with a bazooka, sure he will kill that damn bear. he sees it in the leaves shoots and a big explosion goes off. after all the smoke clears he saw nothing. another tap. this time the bear says "
you arent here for the huntin are you?"

My uncle, my mother and I get locked out of our house because we left the key inside.
My uncle says "Go to the police station and get a thief. He will be able to open the door."

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter. When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter. She didn't know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door." The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this." So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man more...