Locked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo Mama is so stupid she got locked in publix and starved to death!

Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!

Q: How did Jonah feel after he got swallowed by a fish?
A: Down in the mouth.

Q: What did the monk say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam!

Q: A man was locked in a room with only a bed, a calendar, and a piano. How did he drink, how did he eat, and how did he get out? Another man was locked in a room with only a mirror and a table. How did he get out? A third man was locked in an empty room. How did he escape?
A: The first man drank from the springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door. The second man looked in the mirror to see what he more...

there were two blondies at a gas station and locked their car with the hood open so when they went out to put their chips in the car. They tried to open the door, but it was stuck.
the 2nd blonde said "
try busting the door open"
the 1st blonde said "
nah i dont want to smudge the paint on the car.
so the 2nd blonde suggested "
ask the cop over there"
so the 1st blonde asked him and the cop said "
sure why not"
.
the cop says to both of the blondes "
the hood is open and the windows are down"
the blondes say "
WE KNOW! we just want to get the car unlocked"
so The cop Just Leaves And everyone looks at them like they are stupid. so they never figured how to open the car door ever.

there were two blondies at a gas station and locked their car with the hood open so when they went out to put their chips in the car. They tried to open the door, but it was stuck.
the 2nd blonde said "
try busting the door open"
the 1st blonde said "
nah i dont want to smudge the paint on the car.
so the 2nd blonde suggested "
ask the cop over there"
so the 1st blonde asked him and the cop said "
sure why not"
.
the cop says to both of the blondes "
the hood is open and the windows are down"
the blondes say "
WE KNOW! we just want to get the car unlocked"
so The cop Just Leaves And everyone looks at them like they are stupid. so they never figured how to open the car door everagain

Three people had been sentenced to be put in jail for ten years, and they asked each one of them to say one thing that he wants to have with him in the chamber.
The first one said, "I want you to put 1 ton of steak with me," so they did and they locked the chamber; then the second one said, "I want a rack full with the best wines in the world," so they put it in his chamber and locked it; the third said, "I want 1000 packets of cigarettes," so they put it in the chamber and locked it.
After the ten years are over, they unlocked the first chamber, and the man came out with big belly and said, "That was delicious." Then they unlocked the second chamber, and the man came out and he can barely stand and said, "Those were the best wines that I have ever tasted." When they opened the third chamber, the man came out and said, "Matches, please"

A blonde walked into a gas station, explained that she had locked her keys in her car and asked if they had a coat hanger she could stick through the window to unlock the door.
"Sure," said the attendant. "We actually have something that's made specifically for that purpose."
A few minutes later the attendant went outside to see how she was doing. He walked over to her car and while she was still attempting to get it unlocked he heard a voice. "No, no, just a little to the right," said the other blonde inside the car.

woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.She didn`t know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don`t know how to use this."So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was more...