Locked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Who Says a "Blonde" is Stupid?
When she took me to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport left", she turned around and went home.
She has one toe, and bought a pair of flip flops.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
When the computer said "Press any key to continue", she couldn't find the "Any" key.
She thought 2Pac Shakur was a Jewish Holiday.
When I was drowning and yelled for a life saver, she said, "Cherry or Grape?"
She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She was on the corner giving out potato chips, yelling, "Free Lays!".
She tried to drown her goldfish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and nearly starved to death.
If you more...

James Brown's widow was locked out of his mansion after his death.The entertainer's lawyer said the reasons were legal and not personal yet repeatedly refered to Mrs. Brown only as the "Godmother of Hole".

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying... "A little more to the left...a little more to the right"

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the cells
The convicts were locked up
All madder than hell
Except for the lifers
Kicked back in their bunks
Heads filled with visions
Of fat little punks
When suddenly from the roof top
There arose such a roar
That the bulls thought it was
A riot for sure
The goon squad ran in
And stood ready to hit
A big guard yelled out
Who started this shit
It came from the roof top
Snivelled a snitch
It must be a breakout
Oh, son of a bitch
They climbed to the roof
By way of the stairs
Found a fat little freak
In red underwear
No, No yelled the dude
I bring you good cheer
Damn said the Captain
We found us a queer
Alright mother fucker
Get your hands on the wall
They shook him down good
Asshole and all
They beat him and threw him
Into the hole with a kick
Well so much for more...

Britney Spears had just bought her new car and decided to go shopping with her friend and rival, Christina Aguilera. A few hours later she came out and realizes she had locked her keys in the car, so they spent a few hours pacing around the car trying to figure out what to do. Finally, Britney looked off into the distance and saw storm cloud. She turned to her friend and said," Quick, think of something because a storm is coming and I left the top open!"

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
2. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might more...

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."