Locked Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two blondes are locked out of their car. They can see the keys lying on the front seat.

One looks up and says "Oh no, it is going to rain, hurry up, the top's down.

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying...
"A little more to the left...a little more to the right"

your momma is so dumb she sat on the t.v and watched the sofa
your momma is so stupid when she got locked in the supermarket she starved to death
your momma so stupid when she got locked in the toilet she pissed herself

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying..."A little more to the left...a little more to the right"

A blonde woman was at work when she received a phone call
that her daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to
get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had
locked her keys in the car
She didn't know what to do, so she called home and
told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting
worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and
use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat
hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by
someone else who at some time had locked
their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger
and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled
up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was
wearing an old biker skull rag on his more...

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on
GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it's true.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for
medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents
had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza
parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping
all conversations at the hospital.
Agent:
Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man:
And where would you like them delivered?
Agent:
We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
PM:
The psychiatric hospital?
Agent:
That's right. I'm an more...

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M+M's in alphabetical order! Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see more...