Lodged Jokes

MASSIVE TUMOUR

In October 1991, surgeons at Stanford University Hospital removed an ovarian tumour weighing over 21 stone from a woman. It was the largest cyst ever detached from a human being. After the operation, the woman weighed 5 stone LESS than the tumour.



BABY CHICKEN

A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, doctors found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby.



INNER SKELETON

A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife, Brazil suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a foetus which she conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the womb and was never expelled from more...

A man and wife were playing in their club's annual "Guys and Dolls" tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife had insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband. "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged 3 inches into your wife's brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us." "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies. "Well," said the doctor, "we also found a golf ball lodged 6 inches into her anal cavity." The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was just my Mulligan!"

The following are excerpts from various American Medical Journals. Prepare yourself, they are pretty amazing and sick (But all are true)

You have been warned!!!!!



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FEMALE SOFA: A 500-pound woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts, and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. OUCH!

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A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in bloodied restaurant towels. The man had his arms around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her mouth to clamp down more...