Loft Jokes

Walpole had lived in his loft for six months, and by now it was filled with the
paintings he had created. He worked day and night, stopping only occasionally for something to eat. He thought little about food and less about sleep. But what he thought about least of all was his rent.
As a result, his landlord now stood before him, demanding the three months' rent
Walpole owed on the loft.“Give me a couple of weeks,” Walpole pleaded. “I know I'm on the verge of making
some sales.”“Absolutely not,” the landlord said. “You gave me that story last month. You won't get
another day's credit from me.”“Look,” Walpole said, “think of it as an investment. Someday this loft will be famous, and you'll be able to charge a fortune for it. In a few years, people will come into this disgusting loft and whisper, ‘Walpole used to paint here.’”“Pay your rent now,” the landlord said, “or they'll be able to say it tomorrow morning.”

There are three men who wanted to learn how to play golf, so they hired a golf instructor. The instructor asked the three men to hit the golf ball as far as they can. One man hit way to the right, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the second man hit it way to the left, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

Then the third man hit the golf ball two feet ahead of him, the instructor yelled, "LOFT!"

The three puzzled men asked the instructor what "LOFT" meant.

The instructor simply said, "Lack of freaking talent!"

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. The first guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and asks, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The third guy tees off and hits a slice into the pond.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro again said, "Loft."
As they are walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up and asks the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same answer each time.
"What is loft?"
The pro said, "Lack of fu**ing talent."

Three guys are golfing with the club pro. The first guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro replies, "Loft."
The third guy tees off and slices into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong you answered the same exact answer each time. What is loft?"
The pro replies, "Lack Of Fucking Talent."

A do-it-yourself enthusiast has been banned by his wife from taking on any more tasks after causing about $30, 000 of damage. Christopher Andrews, 21, a pensions administrator, has left a trail of destruction in their two-bedroom terrace house in Wiltshire, south-west England.

While trying to change a washer on a tap, he went up into the loft to look for the stop-crock and disconnected two pipes, flooding the house. He later returned to the loft to look for the television aerial and crashed through the ceiling, showering plaster on his wife who was ironing.

When he wanted to lay a carpet in the bedroom, he knocked out the light bringing the roll of material into the house. He cut a large hole in the carpet rather than move the bed. Andrews once blacked both his eyes when a wheel brace slipped as he tried to change a punctured tire on the couple? s car.

He ruined a kitchen work surface by trimming off so much of it to make it fit that it ended up far more...