Pro Jokes

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis." The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said "That was excellent! Let's try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth."

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how shed do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said "Your swing is good but youre gripping the club too hard - grip the club gently as you would your husbands penis." The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway. The pro said "That was excellent! Lets try it again only this time take the club out of your mouth."

The club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two' gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a' gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, that jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls, then yelled' Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second' gotcha'?"

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls, ” the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, “Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls? ”
“Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps! ”

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he had try the game he asked the local pro for lessons explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing then said Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green where it stopped inches from the hole.

Now what? the fellow asked the speechless pro.

Uh... you are supposed to hit the ball into the cup the pro finally said after he was able to speak again.

Oh great! NOW you tell me. said the beginner.