London Jokes / Recent Jokes

An actual ad in the London Times.
WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

Brendan Behan told the story of how he got a job in London with a street repair gang. The first job he went to they were down in a hole singing Happy Birthday around the foreman. "Is it the foreman's birthday?" asked Brendan. "No, Brendan. It's the third anniversary of the hole."

*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
* The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not more...

Apparently, in the London, Ontario daily newspaper, the city was
advertising job offers for firefighters (I heard this on a Hamilton
radio station). At the bottom, they had the usual disclaimer:
"The City of London is an equal opportunity employer. We also
provide all of our employees with a smoke-free workplace."

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me' The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

What dog is always tired in London? An English sleep dog.

Mr. Singh and Mr. Singh, two friends not noted for their depth of intellectual aptitude, were applying for a visa to visit their relatives in the town of London Transport, England. The first Mr. Singh was interviewed by the officer in charge. "Well, Mr. Singh, all we need to know is whether you have the mental resources to survive your trip to London", he said, demonstrating his cultural understanding of the applicant. "Let's see, now - if I poke you with this pencil in your left eye, what will happen? "I'll be blinded in my left eye, sir". "Very good, Mr. Singh. Now, if I poke you with the pencil in your right eye, what will happen?" "I'll be blinded in my right eye, sir, and I won't be able to see anything at all." "Well, Mr. Singh, you've passed with flying colors. Enjoy your trip." Mr. Singh then rejoined Mr. Singh in the waiting room, and described his experience. "It was being very easy, Mr. Singh. That very nice more...