London Jokes / Recent Jokes

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie".
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
Q. What do twenty blondes standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind tunnel.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. You can't, they have always been like that.
Q: A blonde going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Q: How does a blonde try to kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

The loan
Issy walks into a central London bank and says he`s going to America for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.
For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce. The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage.
Two weeks later to the day, Issy returns to the bank and repays the £5,000 plus interest of £9.41
The loan officer says inquiringly, "Sir, we were delighted to have your business but checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow £5,000?"
"Where else in central London could I park my car for two weeks for £9.41

' 'Heavyweight Chomp'' - Philadelphia Inquirer.
' 'Undisputed Chomp'' - USA TODAY.
' 'World Chomp'' - The Sun (London).
' 'Requiem for a Chompion'' - Philadelphia Daily News.
' 'Sucker Munch'' - The Sun (London).
' 'Biting Back: Evander has public's ear'' - Daily News, New York.
' 'Toss Tyson Out on Ear'' - Daily News, New York.
' 'Ear Flap'' - Newsday.
' 'Ears Have It! Evander Wins'' - Montgomery (Ala.) Advertiser.
' 'Tyson's Behavior Hard to Swallow'' - Providence Journal-Bulletin.
' 'Dracula'' - New York Post.
' 'Champ Chewing Over Legal Options'' - New York Post.
' 'It's Tyson's Nature to (Ch)eat'' - New York Post.
' 'For Tyson, Tooth Hurts'' - New York Post.
' 'Now Ear This: Rematch is Possible'' - New York Post.
' 'Lobe Blow for Boxing'' - The Tennessean.
' 'Iron Mike Goes Down Biting'' - The Sunday Oklahoman.
' 'Tyson Doesn't Gnaw What's Next'' - The Daily Oklahoman.
' 'Ear of Scorn'' - more...

Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: What? Go all the way up there and come back empty? You must be jokin' mate!

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You more...

A Scot from Aberdeen was on holiday in London and every night he returned to his hotel full of the wonders of the city. So much so that another guest asked: `Is this your first visit?` `Aye, it is.` `You seem to be having a great time.` `Aye, I am that.` `Good.` `And what`s more, it`s not just a holiday. It`s my honeymoon as well.` `Oh. Then where`s your wife?` `Och. She`s been here before.`

I work for customer service at AT&T, and we often have to deal with the most confounding questions and responses from customers. Here are a few taken from a compilation called "Thank You for Calling AT&T."
"Thanks for calling AT&T, this is Londa."
"Who did I Call? LONDON?"
"No, this is Londa."
"WHERE? LONDON, ENGLAND?"
"I've been on hold four months."
"Can you tell me if my calling card is in my wallet?"
"I was trying to abuse my calling card, and it's just not working!"
"So...which adult party line would YOU choose?"
"Is 30% more than 10%?"
"I want you to check my bill to see if I would save money on a different plan."
"I'd be glad to do that. May I have your area code and phone number?
"You'll have to look it up. It's a non-published number. I don't give it out."
"I think you're screwing me! I'm going to more...