Longest Jokes

Whats the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. There are more chickens than people in the world. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched." On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill. Almonds are a member of the peach family. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. Maine is the only state whose more...

What's the longest word? Smiles! Why? Because it has a mile in it!

If you wanna be a record breaker...
MOST HORRIBLE DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghan tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm 'very recently attained' bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York.
It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'C*** Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz acheived 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7 mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a more...

Q: When was the longest day in the Bible? A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.