Look Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bob and Ray walking down the street. Bob said, "Hey, Look at that dog with one eye!"

So Ray said, "Okay!" and covered up one of his eyes!!

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of prostitution. They witnessed a Protestant minister lurking about, then duck into the house. "Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!" They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking. "Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing holy to those Jewish rabbis? I just can`t understand what the world is coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the flesh. T`is a shame, I tell ya!" Not much later a third man, a Catholic priest, was seen lurking about the house, looking around to see if anyone was watching, then quietly sneaked in. "Oh no, Darby, more...

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause more...

One day Rastus and Liza Jane were sitting at the bus stop when Rastus ups and asks, "Liza Jane can I's look up your dress before the bus gets here?"Liza Jane was startled and said, "No Rastus you cain't!"Well Rastus persisted and persisted till finally Liza Jane said, "Alright if'n it will shut you up you can." So Rastus looks up her dress and sees that see has no panties on to which he exclaims, "Sho is a wonder!"Well the bus shows up and they gets on.Next day, Rastus and Liza Jane are sitting there again when Rastus ups and asks her, "Liza Jane, can I look up your dress again?" Well Liza Jane at first refused, but as the day before she then gave in. So Rastus looks up there and seeing no panties he exclaims, again, "Sho is a wonder!"Well this goes on for a few days when on the last day that Liza Jane would permit Rastus to look up her dress she tells him, "Rastus you can look up my dress but you have to tell me one more...

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill". The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house", the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says,
"You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in an issue of Sassy magazine. The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five more...