Lotto Jokes

A blonde owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: "God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business." She didn't win. So the next day she was about to lose her business and her car. She went to the church to pray: "God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business and my car." Still, she didn't win. So the next day she was about to lose her buisness, her car and her house. She went to the church to pray: "God, if I don't win the lotto, I will loose my business, my car and my house." Then suddenly the blonde was surrounded by a blinding white light, and she heard the booming voice of God declare, "Buy a ticket." Blonde
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? "A blonde parade.

What if condoms had corporate sponsors?
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but ph balanced for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey -- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going. ..
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mm, mm more...

Which condom would you use....
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.
Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, its that simple.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey- you never know.
California Lotto Condoms: Who's next?
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola Condoms: Always a Real Thing.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
Cambells Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good.
The Carl's Jr. Condom: If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your more...

A man won $5,000,000 in the state lotto. He immediately called his wife with the good news. Honey, guess what! I just won $5,000,000 in the lottery! Start packing, I'll be home in about two hours." "That's GREAT dear! Oh, should I pack for warm weather, or for cold?" "Heck, I don't care. Just be gone when I get there!"

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and hes in serious financial trouble. Hes so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray"God, please help me, Ive lost my business and if I dont get some money, Im going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue."God, please let me win the lotto, Ive lost my business, my house and Im going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!! Back to the synagogue."My God, why have you forsaken me?? Ive lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I dont often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why wont you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???". Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob more...