Lover Jokes / Recent Jokes

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the `other man`. The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S. O. B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90`s and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-like manner. He sent the following e-mail to his wife`s lover: Sir, It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next. The `other man` was highly amused by the husband`s formal manner and sent the following reply: Dear Sir, I have received a copy of the your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your office`s auditorium.

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees the illegal lovers and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.
She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: "Dark in here."
The Man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$1, 000."
A few weeks later it happened again,
and the boy and the lover were in the cupboard together again.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."
The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The Boy says: more...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho Marx
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason
Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset Maugham
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. - Phyllis McGinley
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they more...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho MarxWe in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho MarxI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho MarxPolitics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho MarxEighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie MasonPerfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset MaughamThere's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavranMarriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. - Phyllis McGinleyMen have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. MenckenBachelors more...

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. - Bruce FriedmanA coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin KitmanA gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has more...

Four men are golfing one day. The first man steps up to tee and states boastfully "My son is so rich that he bought his lover a house". The second man steps up to tee and says, "Well, MY son is so rich that he bought his lover a new car". The third man steps up and says, "My son is so wealthy that he bought his lover a whole summer home in Miami." Finally, the fourth man goes to tee and he says, "Well, my son isn't rich and self-made like yours and he's gay, and from what I hear, despite my objections, he has 3 separate lovers and from them he just got a new house, a new car, and a summer home in Miami."

...condoleeza rice, claims to be a music lover and historian...after attending a Kiss concert and meeting the band, she told the band that Kiss is her 2nd favorite all-time band....right behind Buffalo Springsteen.