Lower Jokes / Recent Jokes

Name: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)
Location: Throughout the world
Description: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra
layers of skin). Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous
spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12
inches, depending on its mood & subspecies.
Symptoms: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen,
resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by
excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware:
It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!
Habitat: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most
unusual places.
Antidote: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the
venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete
recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
What To Do more...

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope to the ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.
Due to my more...

"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch
your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your
language. Thank you."

The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint."Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive.""Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head.""Thats what I mean, you've got to lower it a little."

Republic Insurance Company

Carson, California

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.

In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "POOR PLANNING" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should elaborate more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building, at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of more...

"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after the examination.

"I know it," said the old gentleman. "I've really got only one complaint - my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?"

The doctor's mouth dropped open. "Your what?!" he gasped.

"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."

"Lower it?!" exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider' high'?"

"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can."

NAME: Trouser Snake (Expetirious Trouseris)

LOCATION; Throughout the world.

DESCRIPTION:

One eyed with mushroom-shaped head (others types may come with extra layers of skin)

*Varying from pink to black.

*Fang-less with a highly venomous spit (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet).

*Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.

SYMPTOMS; This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal.

*WARNING* BEWARE: It has been know to attack men in the lower abdomen!!!!!!!

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms. Likes dark damp caves. but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccines are available for women. However once the venom is injected into the body only drastic more...