Lower Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Sirs,I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient....I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor.Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 more...

there is a fly flying over a venus fly trap when tha venus fly trap thinks to itself if that fly drops 6in lower i can have the fly. then a bear comes along and says to himself if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can have tha fly and i can get tha venus fly trap. then a hunter comes and says if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can get tha fly the bear can get tha venus fly trap and i can shoot tha bear. then amouse comes and says if that fly drops 6in lower then tha venus flytrap can get tha fly the bear can get tha venus fly trap the hunter can shoot the bear and i can have the hunters sandwich. then a cat comes along and says if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can get the fly the bear can have the venus fly trap the hunter can shoot the bear the mouse can get tha hunters sandwich and i can get tha mouse. then a dong comes along and says that if that fly drops 6in lower then the venus fly trap can get tha fly the bear can get the venus more...

If you're having a bad day, think about this one which is proof that things could be worse.
This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the news letter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board of Australia. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick, is this Bricklayer's report.

Dear Sir;
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of
the building at the sixth more...

It had been raining for days and days, and a great flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the more...

Dear sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form.
I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it more...

Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a more...

One day a young girl accidentally walks in to the bathroom whilst her mother is taking a shower. Shocked she looks down at her mothers lower regions and asks "Mummy whats that???". Her mother blushingly replies "Ohh thats my little hedgehog" and then tells the girl to leave room. About 2 weeks later the young girl is visiting her grandmother, when she accidentaly walks in to the bathroom whilst she's taking a bath. Shocked she points to her grandmother lower regions and says "Grandma whats that?", to which her grandmother replied "Ohh that's my little hedgehog". At this point the girl ran out of the bathroom screaming and ran toward her mother, shouting and crying "Mummy, Mummy Grandma's hedgehog is dead". "Why??" asks her mother, "Because all its guts are hanging out replied the girl"