Loyal Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover. After a few days, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. He says, "I'm here about your ad."
Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know that you're loyal?"
"Well I saved my platoon from the Viet Cong in Vietnam. That's how I lost my arms and legs."
"Well, how do I know that you're rich?" she inquires.
He replies,"I make over three million dollars a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement".
Looking at him in his wheelchair, she demands "How do I know you're a good lover?"
He shrugs "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

At the end of World War II Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin met at the
famous Yalta Conference. During a break the three chiefs of state were
relaxing. Wanting to show off a bit Roosevelt took out a silver
cigarette case on which was engraved: "To FDR from a loyal Democratic
Party."
Not to be outdone Churchill took out a gold cigar case on which
was engraved: "To Winston from the loyal Tories."
Stalin then smiled broadly and reaching into his vest withdrew an enormous
cigar case encrusted with rubies and emeralds on which was written: "To
Count Esterhazy from the Vienna Jockey Club."

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Boilermaker hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "This is for Purdue!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Wildcat threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for Northwestern!" Seeing this, the Buckeye walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!!!" and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.

Joe Leiberman, loser of the Connecticut Democratic Primary and perpetual bore, has come out insisting that he is a loyal Democrat. Even though he is running against a Democrat, he still insist that he is loyal to the party he opposes in the election. Leiberman also insists that he is not Bush's lapdog, that job belongs to Tony Blair. The Senator told a rally in Hartford, that he opposes the Bush administration and would endorse the Democratic Party platform.
In other news, Senator Leiberman's pants were found to be on fire and hanging from a telephone wire.

There was a man who had worked all his life, saved all his money, and was a real miser.
Just before he died he said to his wife, "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me, I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him.
Well he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony just before they were ready to close the casket the wife say, "Wait a minute!"
She had a box with her and she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
The undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?"
The loyal wife replied, "Listen I'm a Christian I can't go back more...