Lunch Jokes

Two Swedish coal miners (Sven & Olaf) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew for lunch and Sven pulled out a thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
That night Olaf goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
That night Olaf goes home but forgets what it is called again. Well Olaf really wants one of these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he remembers what it is.
The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows more...

Once there were 3 guys, a Cuban, an American, and an Italian. So they worked together, and it was lunch time, so the American opens his lunch box and sees peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and he says, "If I get a peanut-butter jelly sandwich one more time I'm going to kill myself."
Then the Italian opens his lunch box and sees spaghetti and he says, "If I get spaghetti one more time I'm going to kill myself."
Lastly, the Cuban opens his lunch and sees black beans and he says, "If I get black beans one more time, I'm going to to do the same.
The next day the all open their lunch boxes, and the Cuban sees black beans again, so he kills himself, then the Italian sees spaghetti again, so he kills himself also. Lastly, the American sees peanut-butter and jelly sandwich again so he kills himself too.
Then, at the funeral, their wifes are talking and the American wife says "Oh..! he should at least told me about his lunch, that way he wouldn't more...

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so more...

HOW I FIRED MY SECRETARY:
Two weeks ago, I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for me...
She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday.
I said, well, that's wives for you. The children will remember. The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday."
And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis more...

It seems Miss Lewinsky recorded some of her conversations with Clinton.
In a transcript just released Bill asked Miss Lewinsky "Do you know the
difference between Lunch and Oral Sex?"
Miss Lewinsky replied "No, I don't".
Bill then said "Great, let's do lunch!"