Magic Jokes / Recent Jokes

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the teacher on the first day of the new academic year."He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy."How interesting. What's his favorite trick?""He saws people in half.""Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?""One half brother and two half sisters."

A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?" The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish." "Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish." The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him. The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"

John Joseph Houghtaling, the inventor of the Magic Fingers Vibrating Bed, which brought 15 minutes of "tingling relaxation and ease" for a quarter in hotel rooms across America, has died at age 92.

The family revealed that his tombstone will read:

R-R-R-R-E-S-S-S-S-T-T-T-T-I-N-N-N-N-P-P-P-P-E-E-E-E-A-C-C-C-C-E

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play' Magic'?" She says, "What's that?" He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."

1.(Of course) Laugh hysterically and for no reason.
2. Pretend you holding something like a small knife and swing at the air as if you are trying to cut something. If someone asks, say you were misinterpreted or deny the whole thing.
3. Wear headphones everywhere you go, leaving the plug dangling out, easily seen, and then stationary knod, as if to a beat. Pretend not to hear anyone unless they touch you to get you attention. Periodically forget to take off headphones when you are touched and act confused when you cannot hear them.
4. Sit in front of a library computer and twitch your eyelid for 20 seconds, the get up and browse the fiction E section. Repeat.
5. Sit in front of a public computer on Windows 95, 98, or 2000. Click the start button. Click it again... and again. After clicking it for about 10 minutes, declare that you need another computer because your start button is broken. When someone proves it is not broken, say "Black magic! You all use black more...

There was this guy who wanted to find out how to go to paradise. He asked around and found out if he went up this great mountain there will be a priest there who would tell him the magic words to go to paradise.
He immediately prepared for his journey. For 40 days and 40 nights he climbed the great mountain. Finally he reached the top and found the priest. He asked the priest what are the magic words to go to paradise. The priest replied because you went through so much trouble to find out I will tell you, the words are " ISTA LUCKADY LAA LAA SUNTHARI KORA KOPPARA KOYYAH!!! Then the priest warned the guy not to tell anyone else the magic words. For if he does, the other person would go to paradise and he wont.
With this in mind he went to his hometown and called all the men. He told them, he knows the magic words to go to paradise. He told them that it's "ISTA LACKADY LAA LAA SUNTHARI KORA KOPPARA KOYYAH!!!" They said it and everyone except him went to more...

This professor of psychology at Harvard built a truth-telling chair. Every time someone sitting it lied, the bottom of the chair - essentially a trapdoor mechanism - collapsed sending the seated person flying to the ground. He knew it worked - he'd tried it. But he had to do some research before any one would believe him.
So he advertised in the USA Today for volunteers to come along and they'd get a fiver for their troubles, every hour. He received loads of replies and as such was able to take from any selection he liked. As a control for the experiment he decided to pick basketball fans, and invited three along for the first day of trials.
Anyway, the first day came and a Denver Nuggets fan arrived, he sat in the chair and began to speak. "I think the Nuggets are definitely a force to be reckoned with in the West..." and instantly the chair collapsed, sending him sprawling to the floor before he could carry on.
Next, an Orlando Magic fan arrived, he sat in more...