Magic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp? Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

SERIAL KILLERS
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How did they find out Jeffrey Dahmer was a cigarette smoker?
They found a bunch of butts behind his couch
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite line of clothing?
Dis-Members Only
Jeffrey Dahmer had his mother over for dinner when she suddenly said,
"You know, Jeffrey, I don't like your neighbors..."
Which he responded, "Just eat the vegetables then..."
AIDS
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Doctor: "Your wife either has Ahlzeimer's or AIDS."
Husband: "How can we find out which?"
Doctor: "I need you to run a little experiment this weekend. Take
your wife to a park and leave her there. If she finds her
way home; don't fuck her."
What does MAGIC stand for in Magic Johnson?
My Ass Got Infected Coach
How did David Copperfield catch AIDS?
He was playing with Magic (D. C. has never been reported as having AIDS)
When asked how his daughter does not more...

What do you call Magic Johnson on rollerblades?
ROLLAIDS!

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"

One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.
"Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo."
"Don't cry, little one.", replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix things up for him.
So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped along his merry way.
Feeling quick happy about herself, the witch once more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink more...

What do you call Magic Johnson on rollerblades? ROLLAIDS!

It is said that there is a magic mirror in Malacaang that slaps anybody who tells a lie. Sen. Juan Flavier passed by the mirror and said "I think I'm tall," and the mirror slapped him. Then came Vice President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. "I think I'm the prettiest woman in the Cabinet," and the mirror slapped her. Then passed President Erap and said "I think. . . ," and the mirror slapped him.