Magic Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was a poor... a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of beer. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.
"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't spoil them."
"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says, "first I want to be white. Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls, beautiful girls sitting on my face! And third, I want plenty to drink... lots of water.
Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into... a toilet!
Monica Lewinsky is walking down the beach and she finds a magic lamp.
She rubs it and out pops a genie who offers her one wish.
She thinks out loud "I'm already famous so I don't need that." "I will be rich as soon as I finish my book so I don't need fame."
"I guess I am a little chubby, so I would like you to get rid of my love handles."
The next thing you know, POOF, her ears disappear!
Three blondes are walking down the beach And they find a magic bottle with a genie inside. When the genie comes out he says, "I'm a magic genie and I will grant each of you one wish."
The first blonde says,"Ok, then I want to be a thousand times smarter!"
Then,*POOF*, her hair turns brown and she goes off to become a brain surgeon.
The second blonde says,"I want to be a million times smarter!"
So,*POOF*, her hair turns black and she goes off to find a cure for cancer.
Then, the third blonde (a true blonde) says, "I want to be a million times DUMBER!"
And,*POOF*, she turns into a man!
A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "Whats that all about?"The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish.""Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him. The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didnt want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"
Is There a Santa Claus? A Rebuttal...
Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish ''study.''
Flying reindeer: As is widely known due to the excellent historical documentary ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town,'' the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in ''Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'' (a no-punches- pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer-obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently more...
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most... "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt more...
One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.
"Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo."
"Don't cry, little one.", replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix things up for him.
So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped along his merry way. Feeling quite pleased with herself, the witch once more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink more...