Magistrate Jokes

Early one morning a Priest heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he saw a donkey fall over dead. Not knowing what to do about the situation, he called the local magistrate and related the situation.

The magistrate couldn't resist jabbing at the Priest and said, "Father, I thought the first duty of a Priest was to bury the dead."

Without any hesitation, the Priest said, "No, the first duty of a Priest is to notify next of kin."

While Pu Zhuanzheng was serving as county magistrate in Hangzhou, a sorcerer begged for an audience. Though over 90 years of age, the sorcerer had the complexion of a baby. Zhuanzheng was very glad to see the old man and inquired of him the secret of long life. " Well," said the sorcerer," my method is simple and easy to follow. There's no taboo whatsoever. Just keep away from women, that's all." At this the magistrate mediated for some time and said: " In that case, what's the use of living to be one thousand years old?"

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happenin

During the reign of Dali of the Tang Dynasty, a man named Feng Xile in Jingzhou was very good at flattery. He once had an audience with the magistrate of Changlin County and was treated to dinner. "You are so kind that even the tigers and wolves are moving away," he told the magistrate. Just then one of the magistrate's aides came to report that someone was eaten by a tiger last night. The magistrate asked why and Feng Xile answered, " It was merely passing by.

The criminal in the dock knew of the magistrate's love of cricket. He was asked his name.' Jack' Obbs,' he said.

'Jack Hobbs?' said the surprised magistrate.

'Oh, I see. Nice try Jacobs. Three months.'