Main Jokes / Recent Jokes

One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied, It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!

The Story of Micro and MiniMicro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-bandprotocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing. One evening he arrived home, just as the Sun was crashing and had parked hisMotorola 6800 in the main drive (he missed the 5100 bus that morning ), whenhe noticed an elegant piece of hardware escorting her daisy wheels in hisgarden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly," "I'll see if she'dlike an update tonight." Mini was her name, and she was delightfull, engineered with eyes like COBOL anda Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all overthe place. He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin 32 bit floatingpoint processors and inquired "How are you Honey Well?." "Yes I am well," sheresponded, batting her optical fibres engagingly and smoothing her console overher curvilinear more...

You always buy the latest cell phone equipped with WAP, screen savers, etc. although youll use it mainly to send SMSs. You set the ring tone of your cell phone as loud as possible. You spend your weekends at an expensive five star hotel near your house. You have one of those gigantic 5000 watts stereo system even though you cant turn it as loud as you can since you live in a crowded neighborhood. Your Toyota Kijang is packed with bull bar, fog lights, roof rail, car alarm, expensive car audio, gold plated emblems, tail light protector, racing steering wheels, sports muffler, lowered suspension, 17 inch wheels with expensive tires, etc. Yet you find them not gaul enough. You are able to squeeze 15 passengers in your Toyota Kijang. If youre rich, you buy a huge 50. 000 dollars imported SUV and demands it to run minimal 12 kilometers with a liter of gas. You refuse to buy unleaded gas for your imported car even though it costs less than 20 cents a liter. You have your drivers license at more...

Micro was a real-time operator and a dedicated multi-user. His broadband
protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output
devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked
his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that
morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy
wheels in his garden. He though to himself, "She looks user-friendly.
I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin 32 bit
floating point processors, and inquired, "How are you, Honeywell?"
"Yes, I am well," she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and
smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.
Micro settled for a straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone
tonight," he said. "How about computing a vector to my more...

10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense.

9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor."

8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead to the "main reactor."

7. TIE Fighters have no shields.

6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears.

5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks.

4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.

3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.

2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator.

1. Bounty Hunters, We don't need their scum!

Billy-Bob was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.' 'Hey, Billy-Bob, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?''

''Well Sheriff,it's a long story.''

''I ain't going nowhere,'' said the Sheriff.

''Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mary Lou in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin' kinda frisky and Mary Lou said,' Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did. Then we started getting real close and cuddin' and smoochin' and Mary Lou said,' Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.' So we did. He continued,' 'We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mary Lou had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots. Then Mary Lou laid down more...

10. Accidental switch back to 19, 000 Leagues Under the Sea. 9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit. 8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10. 7. The "It's a Small World After All" creatures go on a rampage. 6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."5. When you wish upon a star, nothing happens. 4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life. 3. "Main Street Electrical Parade" becomes "Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade."2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600. 1. Two words: catapulting teacups.