Maitre Jokes

Remember when eating out was a relaxing experience? Someone else cooked for you, served you and cleaned up after you. All you had to do was chew, swallow and pay. No longer, though. Today, you feel like a laboratory rat who has to struggle through a maze every time it wants a chunk of cheese:

"Good evening," the maitre d' said. "Table for four?"
"Yes, Thank you."
"Smoking or non?"
"Non smoking."
"Would you prefer to dine indoors or outdoors this evening?"
"I guess indoors would be good."
"Very well, sir," he said. "Would you like to be seated in the main dining room, the enclosed patio, or our lovely solarium?"
"Uh, let me see... uh..."
"I can give you a table with a lovely view in our lovely solarium."
"I think the solarium would be lovely," I said.

We followed him there...
"Now, would you more...

"Maitre d!" shouted the angry diner, "there's a fly in my soup! What's the meaning of this?"
Bowing politely, the mustachioed gentleman said, "I couldn't say. May I recommend a good fortune-teller?"

The maitre d'hotel at the Ritz was interviewing waiters for an important society banquet to be held in the hotel that night. There were very few applicants for the jobs and time was running short. One applicant named Angelo, when asked where he had previously worked as a waiter, gave Harry's Hash House as a reference. The maitre d' reluctantly engaged Angelo, with a word of warning to mind his manners, for this is the Ritz.
During the banquet, after serving the turtle soup, Angelo noticed that the bosom of an attractive young debutante had fallen out of her low-cut gown into her plate of soup. Quick as a flash, Angelo jumped forward, seized the lady's bosom and, after drying it with a table napkin, slipped it back into her gown.
As he was returning to the kitchen to serve the next course, the maitre d' seized him by the arm and furiously denounced him as a clumsy oaf.
"But what was I to do?" Angelo cried. "I couldn't very well just leave it out there more...