Major Jokes / Recent Jokes

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your more...

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic syphilis, Sir.""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day.""What's your ambition?""To get back to the front, Sir.""Good man," said the Major.He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic piles, Sir.""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day.""What's your ambition?""To get back to the front, Sir.""Good man," barked the Major.He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic gum disease, Sir""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day.""What's your ambition?""To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!"

An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks -
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!"
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front lines, Sir!"
"Good man!" says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!"
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front lines, Sir!"
"Good man!" says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, more...

An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks -"What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic syphilis, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?""To get back to the front lines, Sir!""Good man!" says the Major.He goes to the next bed."What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic piles, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?""To get back to the front lines, Sir!""Good man!" says the Major.He goes to the next bed."What's your problem, Soldier?""Chronic gum disease, Sir!""What treatment are you getting?""Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!""What's your ambition?""To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other more...

Top 25 Engineer's Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean)

A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.)

Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.)

An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out of school.)

Major technological breakthrough! (It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)

Customer satisfaction is believed assured. (We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)

The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)

We more...

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air
Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of
perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's
no such thing as a' perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated
officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay
you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army
pays its men to jump."
"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant
replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump
out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch
about the salary."

A young, attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch,..."It's only 2014 now."