Major Jokes / Recent Jokes

My father, an Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went
dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the
command station.When my father and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding
officer then stepped forward and shook my father's hand. “Don't congratulate me, sir,” my father said modestly as he pointed to his driver. “It was all the sergeant's doing.”The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. “Congratulations,” he said. “The major's wife just had a baby girl.”

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Major.
Major who?
Major B. Hindsor when you got spanked!

A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. "Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted. "Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave." "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies. "Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

Once santa got enlisted in the indian army. on the first day in his camp. he called up the army kitchen to fire the chef for giving the wrong dish. Santa: you fool, what have i asked and what did you give me? (the call went to the major general's office by mistake) general: do you exacly know whom you are speaking to? Santa: no!!! General: it's the major general speaking. Confused santa: and do you know who's speaking on this end? General: no! Pleased santa: then good(he keeps the reciever down)

Christmas is one day, same day every year. December 25.
Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to
movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is
eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever
that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non-Jewish
friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar
so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar,
provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish
Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel
(especially in Florida).
Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the
same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we
survived, let's eat!!
Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
stereos... Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks,
or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks more...

A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.

Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.

Active socially: Drinks heavily.

Alert to company developments: An office gossip.

Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.

Average: Not too bright.

Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.

Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.

Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.

Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

Conscientious and careful: Scared.

Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.

Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.

Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.

Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.

Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to more...

Q: What does it take to be a good economist? A: An unshakeable grasp of the obvious! Q: What’s the difference between mathematics and economics? A: Mathematics is incomprehensible; economics just doesn’t make any sense. Q: What’s the difference between a finance major and an economics major? A: Opportunity cost